When I tell people I’m a Somatic Sexologist, they always ask, “How did you get into that?”
So how did I get into talking about lesbian sex on the internet? (my conservative gramma’s worse nightmare?) Funny story…
“Don’t have sex or you will get pregnant and die!”
-Coach Carr, Mean Girls
This sums up the attitude about sex in my household, growing up in a high control Christian group.
Sure, I’m a Queer Somatic Sexologist now. But it’s not because I was always curious and liberated in sex. Quite the opposite.
After struggling to navigate my sexuality, eating disorder, trauma, religious shame and a hefty dose of internalized homophobia, I got tired of playing by rules that were never made for me.
I (very messily) left my marriage to a man and started over.
Trauma threw a wrench in my new queer life.
I was finally listening to what my body wanted.
Still, I couldn’t have sex unless I was drunk, had no idea how to talk about what I wanted, and couldn’t reliably orgasm.
I thought I was broken.
More analysis more Instagram therapy accounts, more late night reddit rabbit holes. (tell me I’m not the only one…anybody?)
As a self proclaimed personal development junkie, I had no problem analyzing my childhood trauma, preaching nonviolent communication, and watching 7 videos in a row about attachment theory.
But intimacy felt so… complicated.
After years of trying to heal abuse and shame and still coming up short, I knew I was missing something.
I learned the hard way that enjoying sex and intimacy after trauma isn’t about endless healing quests
Because there is nothing inherently broken or bad about my body. It’s about tapping into my body’s natural tendency for healing and pleasure.
Working gently with my body, I started to feel alive instead of numb.
My desire, my safety, my ability to connect, were coming back online, and the invisible plexiglass I felt between me and my relationships began to melt away.
Now my sex life (and everything else) looks completely different.
I’m no longer afraid of my triggers because I trust myself to take care of me, and to ask my partner for support too. I am confident in my body and my queerness. My wife and I have an incredible sex life, and a deeply secure, supportive emotional connection. I talk openly about what I want from my intimacy so casually like what movie to watch.
My life feels full of pleasure, in and outside the bedroom.
This is about more than sex
Of course our work is about sex. AND it's also about deepening your connection to yourself, having authentic and connected intimate relationships, and experiencing more queer joy and freedom in all aspects of your life- all through the gateway of your sexuality.
Because trauma isn’t a life sentence.
What Makes My Approach Different?
The Feral Connection Method ditches one size fits all sex tips. It’s designed for lesbians and queer femmes to transform sexual, religious, and childhood trauma into ease and pleasure.
Backed By Science
Trauma-informed isn’t the same as a Trauma Specialist. Trauma needs pacing, relational and experiential healing—not rehashing or digging. Our therapeutic relationship is the basis for healing. And in that, we practice intimacy skills together. This is called experiential learning, and it’s fastest way to create new neural pathways, which lead to long lasting transformation. I won’t just throw more tools at you to go try on your own. (that’s what chapGPT is for).
Sapphic Centered
No more trying to adapt heteronormative advice and tips for your queer soul. Women who love other women have unique intimacy dynamics and struggles. If you’re looking to work with someone who GETS IT, I specialize in working with queer women and AFAB folks.
100% Real
No Love & Light or Good Vibes Only around here. Your messiness and humanness are not only encouraged, but required for exciting, deep intimacy. There is no striving for perfection, being fully “healed”, or shame for not being regulated all the time like a cold robot. We get to be human, together.
When I’m not geeking out about intimacy you can find me…
Taking long walks with my dogs and a podcast
drinking black coffee by a camp fire with a good book (preferably one with that old book smell)
practicing digital minimalism
Your body already knows how to connect and how to heal.
My personal journey combined with my professional training as a Certified Somatic Sexologist, Somatica® sex and relationship coaching, Breathwork, and Somatic Stress Release, have shown me that trauma is not life sentence.
Two things are true: trauma impacted you AND you can access immense pleasure, bliss, and connection anyway.
That is your open invitation to experience the heights of pleasure.
If you're thinking, "this isn't possible for me" ... allow me to lovingly tell you that you are so wrong.