Hey, I’m Danie
I'm gonna show you how to get more connected in and out of the bedroom.
Tired of intimacy feeling limited by trauma and shame? Or talking [arguing] in circles about your sex life and nothing changes?
I’m on a mission to create more queer joy through healing trauma and liberating sexuality- but this goes wayyyy beyond basic anatomy.
In my spare time, you can find me taking long walks admiring cute dogs and flowers, t9 texting like a wizard on my flip phone, or drinking black coffee by a camp fire with a good book (preferably one with that old book smell).
now let’s get personal
When I tell people I’m a Somatic Sex Coach, their first question is always, “How did you get into that??” Followed by, “So what does that actually mean?”
So, how did I get into talking about sex on the internet?! Funny story…
“Don’t have sex or you will get pregnant and DIE.”
-Coach Carr, Mean Girls
This was basically the type sex ed I received raised in an evangelical christian household. When I came out in my mid-20’s after ending my marriage, I was struggling to feel connected and relaxed in sex and intimacy with women. I was finally listening to what my body wanted, so why was it so hard to enjoy it?!
Rocking my Little Mermaid shirt Grandma made for me.
I thought I was broken
I was desperate to relax and enjoy sex fully, so I did what I knew how to do: drink a lot to calm my nerves, over think, intellectualize, and research. (I say all this retrospectively, of course.)
As a self proclaimed personal development junkie, I had no problem analyzing my childhood trauma, preaching nonviolent communication, and watching 7 videos in a row about attachment theory.
But I couldn’t reliably orgasm or communicate about sex, had no idea what I wanted, was dissociated from sexual abuse, and felt disgusting after masturbating.
All my knowledge wasn’t translating to the bedroom.
I knew something was missing
I began to notice a pattern: everything i read about relationships left out sex, every breath work i did skipped over the pelvis, I felt comfortable talking about everything but sex.
Suddenly, I couldn’t unsee what I saw: most ‘self growth’ journeys, mine included, left out sexuality entirely.
It never occurred to me that the erotic part of me deserved the same amount of attention and reverence as nervous system regulation tools and neuroscience-based self help.
The more I looked, the more I found blocks to my erotic energy like fear, judgement, shame, and dissociation.
It was no wonder that my libido only came out when I was drunk, I struggled to know and ask for what I wanted.
After another fight about sex with my partner ended in tears, I decided I couldn’t continue like this anymore.
That’s exactly how I discovered the key to incredible sex and deep intimacy.
After realizing I was trying to fix and heal myself to perfection, I learned that “healed” isn’t some magical destination. The opposite of trauma is actually eroticism. Feeling alive again.
And that was my lightbulb moment:
The erotic in its wholeness is the most effective, efficient, and enjoyable way to healing trauma,
And pleasure is a necessity, not a luxury or a waste of time.
My personal journey combined with professional training in Somatica® sex and relationship coaching, Breathwork, and Somatic Stress Release, have shown me that trauma is not life sentence.
My trauma shaped me AND I can access immense pleasure, bliss, and connection anyway.
But then …nobody was talking about the specific dynamics and issues I was running into as a woman dating women.
And the heteronormative landscape of sex advice was just fuel to the fire.
I knew I couldn’t be the only queer woman feeling this way.
That’s why I dedicated my energy to creating the Erotic Foundations Framework.
What makes my approach different?
It ditches flashy sex tips and emphasizes cultivating erotic energy specifically for queer women and femmes.
Backed by Science
Research shows that experiential learning, rather than just talking, is the fastest way to create new neural pathways, which lead to long lasting transformation. I won’t just throw more tools at you to go try on your own. (that’s what chapGPT is for). We actually practice what you want to learn, instead of more boring ‘homework’ assignments that you forget to do anyway.
Sapphic Centered
No more trying to adapt heteronormative advice and tips for your queer soul. Women who love other women have unique intimacy dynamics and struggles. If you’re looking to work with someone who GETS IT, I specialize in working with queer women and femmes.
100% Customized
This is not an early 2000’s women’s magazine. You don’t need more generic ‘tools.’ You need customized support and implementation. You have your own strengths and opportunities for growth, and we’ll identify both and create personalized practices for your intimacy goals. Oh, and we go at your pace. No rushing or performing here.
If you're thinking, "this isn't possible for me" ... allow me to lovingly tell you that you are so wrong.
Let’s get you the ease and pleasure you deserve.